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), enjoys meeting my friends and family; he’s introduced me to his friends and some of his family (with whom he has a very complicated relationship).We seem to share a vision of what our futures look like.And you’re writing to me to make sense of what seems like contradictory advice, “wait and see,” or “believe the negatives and run.”Honestly, you don’t have to decide today. Which is why I see this situation through a prism of cautious optimism. As I see it, the script of your relationship has yet to be written. One of my favorite quotes is: “The only risk is the one not taken.”I wonder if she would consider staying if she was 10 years younger than she is now.It sounds to me like he’s a good man, who is into you and is working through his issues. I can’t help but think that that almost anything can be spinned into a red flag and one would only tolerate red flags (Maybe it’s an orange flag in this case) if they felt they couldn’t do much better than they are doing now.), but I am still more interested in seeing what this man has to show. The good: You have the awareness and self-esteem to realize your boyfriend is not the last man on Earth. You need more safety and intimacy, and when you don’t get it, you feel triggered.At any point in time, if you don’t feel like your relationship is taking, you can always go back to the well and know there is an endless parade of suitors out there. He needs more freedom and space, and when you express your anxieties, he withdraws.
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He tells me he thinks we complement each other well and that we have a long future ahead of us.
But…his shadow self emerges, and I recognize I am still getting to know him.