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I’ve noticed this can stir up some maybe-not-so-long-lost feelings of abandonment for me, and wonder if this means that we are doomed?!I can see he genuinely cares about me and is eager to make progress.At any point in time, if you don’t feel like your relationship is taking, you can always go back to the well and know there is an endless parade of suitors out there. He needs more freedom and space, and when you express your anxieties, he withdraws.Anxious/Avoidant attachment partners are, in my opinion, the worst possible pairing because your needs are, essentially, mirror images of each other.But, as someone with an anxious-frightened attachment style, this can be particularly provoking for me.He is always open and available to speak about my needs and feelings – but is not always equipped to handle my expressions.
And you’re writing to me to make sense of what seems like contradictory advice, “wait and see,” or “believe the negatives and run.”Honestly, you don’t have to decide today. Which is why I see this situation through a prism of cautious optimism. As I see it, the script of your relationship has yet to be written. One of my favorite quotes is: “The only risk is the one not taken.”I wonder if she would consider staying if she was 10 years younger than she is now.But…his shadow self emerges, and I recognize I am still getting to know him.He has acknowledged that he has an ambivalent-anxious attachment style (with the tendency to retreat when he is feeling emotionally challenged, but still a deep need to connect), which he is making sense of in therapy and independently.It's basically the first stop for those entering the dating world.If you want to play the odds when it comes to online dating, you need to be swiping where everyone's swiping.
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