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I found myself fascinated with the idea that non-monogamy could be liberating rather than soul-destroying.
When I considered how I felt whenever I got jealous, I realized that a lot of it stemmed from insecurity rather than love.
“No, no, you don’t need to do that—it’s only a few blocks away,” I sputtered, panicking that it would upset her in spite of what she previously said.
She put her hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. Then she looked at him and said, “And don’t rush back.” Ever since that night, I decided to be on Sam’s wife’s team. I wasn’t going to try and take him away from her in any way.
And I wondered if I could translate that to my other—read: human—relationships.
Could I give as much as I do without demanding that the other person did the exact same thing in return? When his wife answered the door, he introduced me as “the woman he’d been telling her about.” She offered me some wine.
I was going to give her control and take her feelings into account as well.
Sam and I have been seeing each other for a few months now and, so far, it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.
She’s actually letting you sleep with someone else and you should be grateful for that.” I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, but I had made a decision as to how I was going to handle this arrangement and I felt proud for sticking to it.
I began reading a book called by cultural anthropologist Wednesday Martin that challenges the long held belief that we are all monogamous by nature.
Martin argues that, contrary to popular opinion, women often get bored with monogamy even faster than men.
One night, Sam came over late and started complaining about what a nag his wife was and what a relief it was to see me. “I am not the person you go to to complain about your wife,” I said.
“I’m not interested in having you compare me to her.