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I’m old enough to remember a time when, if you were waiting for a friend at a bar or restaurant, you did so while either reading a book or, wait for it: while taking in the scene around you, free of any devices or distractions. It meant that people were paying attention to the world around them, striking up conversations with strangers, and experiencing new things outside of their Internet bubble, in tangible and meaningful ways. Which, turns out, is a much more effective way of figuring out how you actually feel about someone, than, you know, a slew of gym selfies and generic emojis.
which means, bringing up these issues is still necessary, and will continue to be necessary until we change how we date.
or, alternatively, just don’t care about dating at all? It actually shocks me how often my friends tell me that they’re excited about a date, only to inform me (when I ask how it went) that the dude “rescheduled.” Except, when people in SF reschedule, they just reschedule to “another time.” In other words: “never.” Granted, flaking is just part of the culture in SF (whether you like it or not), but when you take two strangers—one or both—with a predilection for canceling plans, and try to get them into the same space at the same time (for what might not even be a fun encounter)… Whether that’s because we’re escaping the city for a trip, or just don’t want to deal with something as potentially annoying as a date, Friday and Saturday nights are off the table for hanging out…
and, so is Sunday (unwinding from the weekend), and Monday (getting back into the work week).
Plus, why choose at all, when there are so many other people to date/screw/ghost?
The thing is, though, assuming you are dating because you eventually want to find a long-term partner, you can’t worry about if you’re missing out on someone better.
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But that’s okay, because if we’re all still complaining about how awful it is to date in San Francisco, that means we haven’t really done anything to change it…